Getting jealous, longing to be near, wanting to be at ones side all the time, drinking every word said, and so on, that sound pretty bad, and I have been denying all those and thought of it as mere attraction, but I have a bad feeling about this...

Current Mood: aggravated

First I would like to apologiye to merith for forgetting her on the 13th of Sept. My dear Merith, I wish you all the best, and I send you a billion of kisses and hugs!!!!

And then, here is an update:

• I accepted the job. Hand over is going on, if you can call that a hand over... I got the concept and the specifications of the project to read and that was basically it, when there is so much more to it... I'll have to search for myself it seems... :P


• I almost have been abroad more than I have been home this month: London for 3 days, home for 8 days, Tallinn for 5 days, home for 3 days, Tallinn for 5 days, I will be home for 10 days, I will be in Tallinn for another 3 or 4 days and then 5 days in London, the week of the 6th of October. Then, I'll be more than probably again in Tallinn afterwards.


• I like being in Tallinn. First because the hotel I'm staying in a really royal. I love it. Then, because our customer support people rock and I love spending time with them. Yesterday, few of us went for a drink and they got some info out of my mouth, little bastards... :D


• Each time I'm in Tallinn, I can't help but feel attracted to this guy. It's so frustrating and the game is fun at the same time, I can't explain. :P


• Flying when you have a cold is not cool. I already got the same problem once, while flying back from SanFran. My way to TLN was a ear killer, I fear that my way back is going to be a difficult one again. I swear, I really can't stand ear pains.


• One of my colleague has convinced me to sign up on Facebook. I am completely amazed by the number of old primary/secondary school mates I have found on that site! On the down side, a majority of them either are already married, or have kids. Not that I want either of those, but this proves how much I do not have a life... :D

That's probably it for the moment, let's pray it won't take another 2309843 months before I update this again ;)

Current Location: Tallinn
Current Mood: tired but calm

>_< I'm sorry for not giving more news... Work work work.

Which means, me, sick of work, slowly running away from any computer contacts and getting into Ultra Super Hermit mode. I hardly have any contact with anyone for the moment, even in RL, which is kind of scary.

However, during this time, I did pass my theorical driving exam, made my 20 hours of driving lessons with driving school, got my temporary license and started my probation period. Already took the wheel to drive from Luxembourg to Brussels two times, there and back in the same day. Close to 450 km in a day, I say it's good training :D So, in about 3 month, I can try to pass the exam and finally get the license. Let see how it goes. ;-)

Other than that, I have wanted to draw several time, but unfortunately, it dodn't go further than that. :S I will go back to my tablet, I swear. However, I can't tell you when I will have enough willpower to actually get started again...

I was planning to make a new layout for my website too, and play around with MySpace layouts too. But heh, same thing as for drawing, didn't go further than the idea... One day...

Other than that... I just fell in love again. I mean, everytime I see this guy, I can't help but love him more... and if he starts making pics with other guys, I can't help but melt.

And then, of course, release of Skype Beta 4.0 today with a brand new look for the Skype client.

Current Mood: exhausted, annoyed, fed up
Current Music: Seventh Heaven - L'Arc~En~Ciel

Having L'Arc~en~Ciel in Paris, this was quite exceptional, and therefore, I wanted to take part in the event. From the little I have seen in some forums or website, quite a bit of fans came from all over Europe to see them too.

To tell you how much of a fan I am, I must know like 30 songs of all their songbook. I do like most of them, but I'm too old to be like a groupie now :D Been there done that already. ;-) And instead of being a real fan; listening to their song the day and night before, I was working until 4 in the morning. However, I did see some videos on YouTube and thought that the energy of their concerts should be quite good. And Hyde being one of my two favorite drawing models did help also. Wanted to see at least one of them in the flesh...

( L'7 Trans Asia via Paris. )

Next on the list: Rage Against the Machine, 2nd of June 2008 in Antwerpen. Another nut concert incoming... ;-)

Current Mood: satisfied
Current Music: Link - L'Arc~en~Ciel

Naoki and Hinata are so cute, me loves them so much!

( Here are some pictures of the cats ;) )

Current Mood: major headache

Bad things: Manager is totally pissing me off, so much anger lead to a major headache, if this keeps up, I'll just quit really soon.

Good things: Got my ticket for L'Arc~en~Ciel's concert in Paris!! I'm so excited about it. I'm not so much of an hysterical fan (I do like them a lot though, understand me well ;) ), but it's more the exceptional side of it that made me crave to go ;)

Current Mood: tired
Current Music: L'Arc~en~Ciel - Stay Away (instrumental)

Stole it from merith

1. What is in the back seat of your car right now? Boxes of stuff we should throw away.
2. When was the last time you threw up? It's been years. And I would like to keep it that way ;)
3. What's your favorite curse word? Crotte de bique which would be goat poop in English :D
4. Name 3 people who made you smile today? Link, Clare and my fav co-workers
5. What were you doing at 8 am this morning? I was stuck in a huge traffic jam while I wanted to be in the office before 7am.
6. What were you doing 30 minutes ago? Looking for hotels in London
7. What will you be doing 3 hours from now? Trying to draw a bit, resting, looking desperately for the new Naruto manga chapter.
8. Have you ever been to a strip club? Not really a strip club, but I’ve seen a couple of strip tease.
9. What is the last thing you said aloud? “User has explicitly denied access to client? What kind of error message is that?”
10. What is the best ice cream flavor? Moka or vanilla, even if I’m not too much of an ice cream fan. I like chewing on ice cubes better :D

11. What was the last thing you had to drink? Diet coke.
12. What are you wearing right now? Something decent enough to walk around the office :D
13. What was the last thing you ate? Sushi for lunch
14. Have you bought any new clothing items this week? Nope.
15. When was the last time you ran? Yesterday, to catch my bus.
16. What's the last sporting event you watched? Tennis
17. What is one thing you could totally live without doing? I like Merith’s answer: paying bills
18. Who is the last person you emailed? Besides customers? Clare and Link
19. Ever go camping? Yep when I was a kid…
20. Do you have a tan? Let’s first get some sun over here in Luxembourg, then I’ll get a tan :D

21. What is your guilty pleasure? Stealing hugs from friends
22. What kind of foundation do you use? I’m totally new to that world, I still have a lot to learn in order to pretend I’m a girl.
23. Who is your cell phone service provider? Proximus in Belgium
24. Do you drink your soda from a straw? Nope, I’m doing the guy thing, drinking right from the can (or the bottle) ;)
25. What did your last IM say? “me? a brain? :D No problem Andy, never hesitate to ask” – work related
26. Are you someone's best friend? I believe I was, now it might have changed, I’m not quite sure.
27. What are you doing tomorrow? REST, I have a day off. I guess I’ll be asked to join for some shopping but I’ll try drawing too.
28. Where is your mom right now? At home cooking
29. Look to your left, what do you see? *cries* the empty seat of my ex-boss. I want her to come back very soon, it’s so lonely.
30. What color is your watch? I don’t have a watch, I keep loosing them.

31. What do you think of when you think of Australia? Far away land I want to visit!
32. Would you consider plastic surgery? Not in the sense most people think of plastic surgery. But I’ll never do it I guess.
33. What is your birthstone? Google is my friend: Topaz
34. Do you go in at a fast food place or just hit the drive thru? Drive thru, I can’t eat properly surrounded by yelling kids.
35. How many kids do you want? No thank you.
36. Do you have a dog? I had one. Have two cats now.
37. Last person you talked to on the phone? A co-worker
38. Have you met anyone famous? I can’t remember if I did ;)
39. Any plans today? Yes, going back home.
40. How many states have you lived in? Let’s make it countries: Belgium and Latvia.

41. Ever go to college? Yes
42. Where are you right now? here
43. Biggest annoyance in your life right now? Being uncertain.
44. Last song listened to? Currently listening to Cosmic Dare – Cowboy Bebop OST
45. What do you wash first in the shower? My hair.
46. Are you allergic to anything? Spiders, I'm having hysteric fits whenever I see one.
47. Favorite pair of shoes you wear all the time? The one I’m currently wearing.
48. Are you jealous of anyone? Of all the talented artists out there. But I can’t help but adore them at the same time!
49. Sweet foods or Salty? Gimme Salty!
50. Is anyone jealous of you? I don’t know what they could be jealous of…

51. What time is it? 5PM
52. Do any of your friends have children? yes
53. Do you eat healthy? Usually I do, but right now, nope.
54. What do you usually do during the day? Work
55. Do you hate anyone right now? Hate right now? Nope, if this is not considering my usual loathing of my father.
56. Do you use the word 'hello' daily? Yes, to greet my co workers and in every single e-mails sent to customers.
57. Favorite time of the day? When I finally have a chance to sleep.
58. How old will you be turning on your next birthday? 27
59. Have you ever been to Six Flags? Yes, but in Belgium, when it was still called Six Flags.
60. How did you get one of your scars? The best for the end. I got this one scar on my arm by playing base ball in a farm field with friends. While running I suddenly slipped on sheep poop and crashed in a fence. :D :D :D How lame is that?

Current Mood: sleepy
Current Music: See you later Cowboy - Cowboy Bebop OST

I'm better than 3 weeks ago, that's for sure. One week off was of course a big help. But there is definitely something that doesn't go too well.

It has been quite a while now that I haven't felt really good or in peace. I feel there is a lot of "social" smiling going on, more than me actually smiling because I feel like it. Work has been intensely busy, lots of frustration going on and so on. It's been now 3 weeks I haven't had the chance to see two of my favourite co workers, as I have left 1 week for vacation and they have gone to Budapest to train some new agents for two weeks.

This is how I can really feel that this job is only fun because I love the people I work with in Luxembourg. I'm bored in front of my computer, I feel I'm stuck in a path that I'm sure I don't want to follow. I think I need to get back to something creative soon in order to boost my motivation. I don't want to quit Skype just yet though. Uncertainty.

I think I need to find someone. I feel deep down how terribly lonely I am. My heart, mind and body aches when I read "I love you" in my best friend's e-mail. It is bad, as I'm very much tempted to answer to those feelings he has, when I'm totally not ready for him, knowing deep down we are not meant to end up together. Being the hermit I am, I'm not ready to find someone open enough to accept me though. And I'm far too twisted to find someone. That's why I'm far better alone. But dying to share. Uncertainty again.

I can't find relief or peace in reading, drawing, watching TV or anything else. I'm just in some kind of haze, feeling ok, but not really happy. This is simply uncertainty I guess. I think too much, I dream too much, I hope too much. There is just too much of everything and I can't deal with it. Or not enough of something and I can't deal with it. And I end up being stuck, taking root on a spot I surely don't want to stay.

I just don't know which step to take though. Uncertainty.

Current Mood: drained
Current Music: Cosmic Dare - Cowboy Bebop OST

Don't get overjoyed, there wasn't much done, unfortunately... But this is to show you that I don't intend to drop this project, quite the contrary!

Please bear with me, this will be finished! *blushes*

( Preview 3 - Beware of the large file )

Tags: cg drawings, dsb phanta, opencanvas
Current Mood: drained

I'm in the middle of my so expected week off.

I really took me almost 3 days to get out of this state of uber tireness and to stop feeling frustrated about it. I think I pushed it too far again,exhausting myself again to a dangerous extend.

This has made me, among other things, so very distant from everyone, and I would like to apologize to everyone who has been around, sending me IM and sweet messages! Those have been very appreciated and I don't think I'll be able to thank you enough for your support!!

I have settled down in front of the computer, graphical tablet in front of me, and my illustration book in reach. Now, let's hope I can get some drawing done ;)

Huge hug to everyone!!!

Current Mood: artistic
Current Music: Renan Luce - I was here

Anyone has read "After school nightmare" from Setona Mizushiro? I absolutely need to read the sixth volume. It's kind of annoying that the english version of this manga has been edited and sold much later than the french version. The sixth volume is going to come out soon or just came out, when the 9th in french is going to be available in Feb.

You'll tell me to just go ahead and purchase the french versions, but heh, I got the first 5 volumes in english... I don't like switching from one language to another in the middle of a serie. But I think I will just have to go ahead, if I don't want to wait another year... :D

I get mixed feelings when reading this manga. I mean I really like the story, I can't help but want to know what's going to happen next. But it does also bring me a great sadness. It is somehow like a mirror reflecting the one thing I am sure of but try to always hide in the back of my head.

The fact that whatever might happen in the future, I'll never be fully happy whatever the outcome might be. The fact that I will have the hardest time ever to be in a "real" relationship, the fact that chances are are impossibly low that I could ever voice out what is exactly the real essence of me, even less chance for someone to accept me after hearing it. The burden is heavy, the loneliness is really killing me but what I need is what I fear.

Current Mood: lonely
Current Music: Yami no Matsuei OST - Amethyst Remembrance

To everyone who has been wishing me all the best for Christmas and New Year, on MSN, AOL, Skype, email or SMS: THANK YOUUUUUUUU~ *hugs you tight*

A very special thank you to anime_gal22, sharona1x2, clarediva and link_worshiper for your AWESOME cards!!!! If I missed someone, the card might not have yet arrived... or maybe it didn't make it to the new address, since it changed from last year T_T *hugs you all guys tight too*

Now if feel really bad for not having drawn my season holidays card like the two past years... But would it suit you if I send it later, IF I manage to do it in a reasonable delay?? ^_^;;; I'm sorry everyone...

Afraid I can't make it before new year though, I'm way behind when it comes to work and I'm afraid I won't find the time before beginning of Jan to start working on it.

Current Mood: embarrassed
Current Music: Astrix - Sex style

I'm sorry for not participating in the Xmas cards exchange, I'm unfortunately overbooked with work, I don't even take any days off, after working this week end.

I wish you all a very happy Christmas with the people you love!!! Kisses and hugs to you all!!!

Here another pic of my cuties ;)

Tags: cats

Just to present you Hinata and Naoki, the two new members of my little family.

Here is Hinata, the little female:



Here is Naoki, the little male:



And a pic together:

Tags: cats
Current Mood: happy

In our internal system, they introduced new codes concerning SMS.

I've no idea what they are supposed to mean but the fact that the title of the column is GW and the codes found in there are: 123, 131 and 143 cracks me up. :D :D

Oh and for my own account codes are all 124 or 144.

Gawd that system does nothing to calm down my imagination :D :D

Current Mood: Amused, very much so

I wish you the best for your birthday, klingonpoo!!!! I hope you'll have a wonderful day! *hugs you tight*

Current Mood: awake
Current Music: Mika - Take it easy

Sooooo... I went to see the kitties and I ended up choosing... two of them!!! Wwwwaahhh I can't wait to get them! They are so cute! 4 more weeks to go and I can go pick them up!!!

Too bad I forgot my camera, I would have shown you how cute they are! Both are Ragdoll cats, one blue eyed, the other, greenish blue.

Now to choose names :D The first idea was Duo and Trowa but heh, since there is a female, I tried to look around for some more names. The other couple of names I liked is Naoki and Hinata. Bllaaaahhh, I don't know :D any ideas??

I'm so excited about the two of them, I think the next two weeks are going to be very long... It's been years I wanted to have a cat, now I'll have two of them! *grins like an idiot*

Current Mood: excited

Yay! Heero's got skin now *chuckles* I really think I'm asking too much of the work laptop. It took 10 minutes to save the thing... But that might also be because I had the program opened all day. *sighs*

They are ready to purchase a brand new laptop just for us CS people to play around with Vista once in a while but give us basic crappy compie that have been used already for years for regular use...

( Preview 2 - Beware of the large file )

Tags: cg drawings, dsb phanta, opencanvas
Current Mood: peaceful
Current Music: Incubus - Are you In

I'm uber slow. Like really. I know. :P I'm trying my best not to mess up link_worshiper's awesome job! Sorry? ^^;;;

I made it so you can still see Link's sketch where I didn't finish colouring yet. This is a work in progress, there are lots of details to work on. Oh and the little blue guy (bottom right) is our DSB Phanta guy. :D

( Preview 1 - Just some skin for the moment )

( Preview 1 - Close-up )

Tags: cg drawings, dsb phanta, opencanvas
Current Mood: Artistic, trying to ...
Current Music: FFVII - The promised land

After being constantly bugged yesterday at work, today feel really peaceful. Maybe too much. I haven't done anything for work today. Or not much, when there are SO much things to deal with... ^^;;; *coughs*Spent more time changing my LJ icons than anything else*coughs*

I didn't find the time to work on the DSB Phanta boys, as my place was invaded by one of my mum's friends those three last days. She is kind to my mother, but us two simply are not compatible when it comes to personality. She's too noisy, nosy for me, trying to impose her way of thinking or doing things on people, which I highly dislike.

She has been helping us and my mum a lot, especially during hard times, so I'm not being a total asshole when she is around, but I can't help feeling uncomfortable around her and at some point I need to hide in my corner. :D

But she is supposed to leave this afternoon, and my mum is going away for the week end. Mean I can and should work on the boys! *nods* Now, not to be distracted by anything else... ^^;;;

If anyone has me on his/her IM list, please nag ;)

Current Mood: calm
Current Music: Final Fantasy VII - One Winged Angel (live)